It is 9:00 pm in La Condesa, Mexico City and I’m in a little shed sitting across from a tarot reader named Sailor moon. She asks me to put my hands over hers and close my eyes until she says otherwise. I do what she says but also periodically peek in curiosity to see what is happening.
“Open your eyes” She whispers, placing my hands on the table, and then hands me the deck of cards. “I need you to shuffle them 7 times.” I began to shuffle the cards and immediately dropped half of them. I blushed and utterly embarrassed told her “I’m sorry. I’m just nervous.” “You can split them into 4 smaller piles and then mix them up.” She smiled politely, helping me pick up the cards from the floor, and handed them to me. I split them into four groups and started shuffling them. After the fifth shuffle, I looked up to her with panic in my eyes. I didn’t count the shuffles. She immediately picked up my panic and said “You need two more.” Relieved I smiled, focused on the pile, shuffled the cards two more times, and waited for instructions. She explained that I would fan the cards out on the table, then pick a card, and place it where she pointed. She pointed to the center of the table and then whispered some words as I picked a card and placed it under her finger; we did this ten times. Now I know that the spread is called the Celtic cross spread which basically gives you the big picture. “Now turn the cards over.” I flipped one by one increasingly becoming anxious by the pictures of the cards so many reversed, swords, and empty looking cups. She began to tell me the story of my life.
I wish I could remember the exact cards which showed up in my read but I vividly remember everything she said. It astounded me how accurate she was in my reading. She was able to name my ex-boyfriend and his zodiac sign. She flat out told me things which I already knew deep down inside but had refused to acknowledge. She looked at me in the middle of the reading and said “You’re trying to escape. You want to go to a foreign country. You will do it and it will be what you seek.” I almost cried at this point. She reached to hold my hand and squeezed it. She continued to tell me about my present past and future. Once she was done explaining what she saw reflected in the cards, she gave me the chance to ask three questions. I was totally unprepared for this gift. So I asked if my ex and I were destined to be in a relationship? She told it was a karmic relationship probably one from a past life. Furthermore she said he loved me deeply but since he has no knowledge of a stable family he did not understand the kind of love I was seeking. There would always be a misunderstanding between us. She warned me that he would probably always come in and out of my life but in the end I had the power to decide what kind of relationship we would have. In regards to my career she told me I wanted to help heal the world and I would succeed, but I needed to be flexible and resilient. She handed me an incense as I thanked her with a hug.
On the car ride back home, my aunt and I vividly chatted about our experience. I told her everything Sailor moon had told me desperately trying not to forget any part of it. She dropped me off and I remember lying awake at night just in total awe of what happened. For a year now I had been mulling over the thought of moving to study medicine in Germany because I started working at a hospital and quickly became unsatisfied with everything. The patients annoyed me, the money wasn’t enough, the system bothered me, and I didn’t understand why. I thought if I fulfilled my dream of becoming a doctor then it would all change. I started studying German and taking the exams but not really sure whether to go or not. When my ex started showing up in my life again despite the fact that I knew without him telling me that nothing had changed, I wanted to believe in a future we never had. I wanted to stay in the familiar. My intuition screamed to get out of the rut yet I tried to ignore it.
Intuition is so abstract that as a human it is so easy to undermine it, when it demands daring, risky, courageous, bold moves. Tarot made my intuition tangible. It also helped me understand that the future is not set in stone. I can change it at any given time. It gave me the final nudge to take that leap of faith and fly.
My life has drastically changed since I got my tarot reading. I’m still doing the work daily since some scars run deep but I’ve managed to let go and close the cycle. I’m studying Chemical Engineering at Ulm University. I’m not sure how I will help heal the world but I’m trusting it is all part of the journey.